fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
