Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
