i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I want her autograph on my taint
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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