Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
