The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
