I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
