Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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