my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
