drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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