i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
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