I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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