I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
