There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
