at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
