Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
