I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
