I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
