you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
