He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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