Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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