I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I met the friendliest cop last night
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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