Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
