It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
