4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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