y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
