it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
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Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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