thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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