Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
