The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ugly people sure do ruin things
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
