:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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