I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
