It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
