Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
