I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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