Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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