those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
