did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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