best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
