It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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