PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
