in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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