my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
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Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
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if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on