Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.