Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
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he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
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Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.