Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children