I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.