I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I have surprise drugs for everyone
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
