Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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