i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
