We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize