you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i think i have two assholes
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
