True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
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Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
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It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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