Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
