Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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