i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
