i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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