dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
