I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
