her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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