Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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