I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
