I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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