Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
