she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
