did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
