I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
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There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
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I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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