i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
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