'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
