Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize