i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
