Just invented taco cereal.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
