Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
