I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
