Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
