i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I stole a fireplace last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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