My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
